Sunday, November 19, 2006

vacation.

OilTrust HQ has a total of four Nintendo Wiis. I'm not kidding.

I don't know how much we'll be updating. The internet isn't motion controlled, so it's gotta take a back seat for a while.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

unprecedented!

In a shocking deal, the NHL and YouTube have announced an agreement that will allow highlights from the league to be broadcast on the Internet video sharing service.

The Oilogosphere was in utter shock by this announcement, but many believed this "Interwebtron video doohickey" is really going to pick up.

"Video?! On my blog?!" an exhuberant Andy Grabia of The Battle of Alberta exclaimed. "This changes EVERYTHING. I can finally post NHL video clips to accompany posts. Like that time that guy bodychecked that other guy? You know? On the Canucks I think? And I did a post about it? Now I can maybe put a video up with it! This is all so new and shocking! MY MIND HAS BEEN BLOOWWWNNN!!!!"

Alana from the site Hot Oil felt that the deal had different ramifications for her and her colleagues' blog.

"You know, this is really good. I'm not going to lie: we're not really big into hockey content," admitted Alana. "I've maybe watched two, three full games tops. We pretty much just like objectifying men here. And now I don't even need to type. I can just find an interview with Dwayne Roloson, slap it up, and I'm done!"

But not all members of the hockey blogosphere took the announcement as positively.

Liberal elitist James Mirtle was visible angered by the announcement.

"Video. Pfffff. 'VI-DEE-OH,'" said Mirtle incredulously while making air quotes. "Let me tell you something. I didn't get a journalism degree from Ryerson to post video to my website. It's all about the words, man. Kids these days with their video games and their interwebtron video doohickey, they've got it so easy. Most of these punks don't even know how to use an n dash or m dash properly. It's bullshit, man. Bullshit."

Continued Mirtle, "I don't even watch the games anymore. I just read the play-by-play, official super-stats, and burn the shift chart from NHL.com into my mind after every game. That's the only true way to get the game. Video. Pffff."

At the time of publishing, OilTrust was unable to locate the use of video on any hockey blog. Ever.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

mike who?

Only 18 games into the season and the Oilers have already amassed a small collection of enemies in the league.

Aside from having to deal with the internal strife like who's day it is to beat MAB with three rolls of hockey tape braided into a whip, dealing with the complex relationship between Steve "Unky Steve" Staios and Ladislav Smid, Ethan "Hot-Off Champeen" Moreau living it up on the IR, and Mac T giving quotes after losses that sound like he's about to become a rageahol and beat up Bill Moores, the Oilers have fallen victim to what we at Oil trust can only refer to as the Axis of Dickfaces.

Embedded video documentation proof follows.



Hahaha! Lauren made him watch Simon Birch! What a loser! This is conclusive that you're whipped, brah! That midget kid thought he was an instrument of God! LOL! Also, he used to serve waffles. I loved waffles. Now I'll never eat them again.
PS- Julia Roberts looks like an unattractive man.
Axis of Dickfaces rating: 8 dicks on the face out of 10, including one where your nose should be that is impossible not to stare at and makes you really self-conscious.



God. This is still so fucking upsetting. The ony consolation for Oilers fans is that he'll never ref one of our games again. Go do games in the Eastern Conference, where it's not so much hockey as it is poorly performed figure skating.
Axis of Dickfaces rating: 6 dicks on the face out of 10. In the grand scheme of things, this will probably be totally inconsequential unless the Oilers miss the playoffs this year by one point. If that happens, McGeough will be re-rated as an unprecedented 10 out of 10, which is really disgusting to think about having that many dicks on your face.



Oh la-dee-da! The new dickface in town, eh? Aside from having a name more suited to an actor on Dawson's Creek, what happened during last nights game paints this John-Michael Liles character the shade of dickface. I doesn't matter what happens to Smytty in the long run, come 30 November there will be hell to pay.
Axis of Dickfaces rating: no dicks out of ten, because cowards don't have wangs. And that's just as bad as having too many like some Chernobyl freak.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

tru fax

The Oilers dispatched the Comubus Blue Jackets with relative ease last night and broke their four-game losing streak. Four games feels like an eternity after the teams success during the playoffs last year. I would like to point out that Winnie had a terrific game -- his assist on Smytty's second goal made him look a veteran, patient player. Opposed to this, MAB played his best game of the year by eating popcorn and drinking soda in the press box. Hopefully this game was a good confidence booster for the boys and we can keep the momentum going tomorrow in St. Louis during a noon-o'clock tilt.

The Toronto "no-one-likes-us-because-we're-dicks" Leafs are playing the Montreal Canadiens right now. Again. For the seventeenth time so far this season. Can someone please tell me why Toronto seems to be the only team in the league that wears white at home? Are they just elitist pricks?

The Calgary Flames beat the Anaheim Ducks last night, ending their regulation undefeated streak. I'm glad this happened, even if it was the Flames. Someone needed to wipe the shit eating grin off of those golden-skinned, liberal, ivory-tower, SOBs. I'm also happy to see that Flames fans were booing Chris "ohmiegawd!ohmiegawd!wherearemyballs?" Pronger. We might hate the Flames and the Flames might hate the Oilers, but there is an undeniable mutual respect for one another and I'm glad to see that the Flames fans recognized C-Prongs' betrayal and that it should be punished, no matter who he was playing for. I look forward to the 21st and the next meeting between us. I'll probably shake a Flames fan's hand and thank him. Once he turns around, content that he thinks he did the right thing, I will swiftly sink a sharpened toothbrush between his third and fourth ribs. It's nothing personal.




Lastly, we might have a good time here at OilTrust -- joking around, whipping batteries at MAB, teaching Traktor how to say dirty words in English, so on and so forth -- but sometimes we need to wax-poetic about serious things. Today, 11 November, Rememberance Day; a day to reflect on how lucky we are to be able to enjoy so many of the things that we take for granted and the individuals that made, and those that continue to make, this possible. No matter what your stance on war or politics is, it doesn't change the fact that our veterans and those currently serving in the CAF deserve our utmost respect. So when you're watching all the games this weekend, and when you are anytime for that matter, keep in mind why you're able to have a few beers with your friends and enjoy the game you love.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

i don't have a lot to say

but this pretty much says it all:

Monday, November 06, 2006

tired

Back in Edmonton after driving all day Sunday.
Conference in Winnipeg was quite good. And by quite good, I mean that my newspaper colleagues and I drank a lot.

Fact: did you know that that Jets don't exist anymore? We tried to go to a Jets game and when we asked some locals, they just looked really pissed off at us. Who knew? Also, apparently they don't have large quantities of birth-right oil and pay PST. PST. The locals didn't like this being pointed out, either. So we just went to a Guess Who concert. They play twice a day, everyday, in Winnipeg.

Sadly, or maybe not sadly, I missed the game on Friday night. Apparently we lost because Mick Mageough [SIC? Don't care, really] called a gloved pass when it wasn't a gloved pass or something. I really don't know. They don't have legitimate media outlets in Winnipeg that cover sports. Can anyone link me to some of the YouTubes of this event? Can anyone even explain to me in depth what happened? I really want to know what all the fuss is about. It was all they were talking about on the radio this morning during my hour long commute on the ice riddled streets of Edmonton. Still, it's better to be here than in Winnipeg.

Anyways, I'm running on about seven hours of sleep over the last four days, am still hungover, and have a midterm in 45 minutes that I have not studied for. It's good to be back in Oil Country -- both figuratively and literally.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

so gehts in der Welt

We're not dead. We're still here, but we've both been relatively busy. Busy with what, you ask? Certainly not school. Ryan has been going batshit insane trying to liberate France playing Call of Duty: United Offensive. Me? I've been doing things -- really, really important things that I can't even talk about because they're that important. Some tidbits:

- The Cold War isn't over, folks. Igor Ulanov has finally gone home to Mother Rusisa. He's signed with with the Yaroslavl Lokomotiv of the Russian Super League, Alexei Mikhnov's former team, who are currently suing the Oilers. That's great, support the enemy, Igor. Way to be. Asshole.

- I miss Sergei Samsonov. Baby, they're not treating you right in Montreal.

- Did anyone go to Save-on-Foods on Sunday to meet Joffrey Lupul? I didn't. I had planned on it because, you know, he's hot. But I decided that if I wanted to be annoyed by hundreds of sixteen year old girls, I'd go to a Simple Plan concert. Or surf Hot-Oil for five minutes. Roli will be there this upcoming Sunday and I may go to that. Any autograph requests?

- Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan starts on Friday. While unrelated to the Oilers, it's going to be effing hilarious.

- Ryan is out of town until Sunday. He's driving to UNICITY[!] for a conference that is not Oiler or hockey related so I really don't give a shit what it is. Unicity is a lot like Unicron. Except instead of eating planets and stealing the sparks' of Transformers, it is a desolate wasteland categorized only by the term "shit-hole." I guess it's not like Unicron at all.